Having all those emotions swirling inside of me made my stay in the hospital very difficult. I was blessed to have Gregg right there, supporting me. We had many visits from friends...who would more accurately be classified as "family" here at Rucker. I appreciated the distraction as my days of worry led to days forgetting to eat and many sleepless nights.
Now that we are home, it's hard to really tap into the emotions that I felt, but I will try.
October 24, 2011
Marek is born and from what we are told he is doing fine. They let us know that the first 24 hours is crucial as they watch his lung performance, but so far, he is breathing on his own and seems very strong. That evening we are told that we can go visit Marek. Gregg brings me down to the nursery and I am able to hold him for the first time. I was immediately in love! I have never been a "baby person" but the overwhelming feeling I felt when I held him was amazing. He immediately became the love of my life.
October 25, 2011
Gregg is out early to get to flight line. I go to the nursery and am told that he is on oxygen. They explain that he is just so small and that breathing on his own "tired him out" and now he just needs "a little help". It was not enough to send him to the NICU in Birmingham, but if he needs the next step up he will be transported. I have never wanted Gregg with me so much! That afternoon I told him the update and we mentally prepared to be transported. When we go to visit Marek looks good and is on very little oxygen, but it breaks my heart to see him need that extra help. We are also unable to hold him due to the extra tubes. Gregg and I discuss what will happen if he is transported and how we will get up to Birmingham the fastest.
October 26, 2011
Gregg is again up and out by 5 am. I go down to the nursery early and see that Marek is off of oxygen! He is breathing much better and does not seem as labored. His color is still good and his blood oxygen level is staying relatively steady. What a relief!! Gregg and I am able to spend more time in the nursery with him. We did not get to hold him as he was still struggling a little, but we are able to hold his hand, rub him, and talk with him. He is unable to latch onto a bottle and is having trouble eating, so he is getting IV fluids. He also has an ultrasound to check his kidneys and one kidney is "mildly" swollen as the other is "moderately" swollen. He is put on antibiotics to hold off a kidney infection.
The hospital discharges me this evening, but we are able to keep the room as a "courtesy" so we can stay near Marek.
October 27, 2011
Marek is still off oxygen. It felt so good to see him again without the oxygen tubes. Because the doctors want him to actually eat (and not just gain nutrients through the IV) a feeding tube is put through his nose. He was given 20 cc of formula/milk but can get less than half through the bottle (most of which was pretty much squirted into his mouth) and the rest goes through his tube. The nurses are also concerned with his ability to maintain his body temperature once he is no longer under the warming lights. Gregg and I spend the entire evening with him and we both get as much cuddle time with him as possible as we are able to hold him again! Holding him became in spurts as he was placed in the isolet to maintain his body temperature.
October 28, 2011
Gregg and I go up to the nursery at 4 am before he leaves for flight line. Marek still needs assistance to keep his temperature up and they are concerned with his skin color. They suspect jaundice. Gregg leaves and about an hour later they have me sign paperwork to put him under the bilirubin lights. We are unable to hold him all day, but we go to the nursery to visit him and just see him. During feedings, we were able to see him closer when they opened the door. One nurse even let us sneak in a quick 5 minute hold! He is our little trooper.
October 29, 2011
Saturday is finally here...so I will have Gregg's company all day! I felt relieved to have company all day! Gregg had been in charge of doing laundry and running home during his breaks all week, so he demanded that I do something "normal" as well.... and I finally left the hospital. I cannot describe the guilt I felt walking out of those front doors. I enjoyed seeing the sun again, but felt like a terrible mother for leaving my baby in that nursery.
Marek is out from under the bilirubin lights but still requires the extra warmth from the isolet. He is also eating almost exclusively from the feeding tube. The nurses are allowing us to have a larger part of his care, including holding him more, helping with his feedings, and even learning about feeding him through the tube when necessary.
The weekend shift arrives...with our meeting of "Miss Kim" (our favorite nurse). She is a fiesty woman (and self-named the "other Paula Dean") who took to Marek immediately. She made sure to give him all the good gossip and spend the weekend singing to him.
October 30, 2011
No new updates really. He is still working to maintain his body temperature and is still struggling to eat through a bottle. The doctor continues to increase his feedings but this also increased his throwing up (and the nurses needing to extract undigested formula/milk from his stomach before each feeding). I also have my first melt down after a particularly hard feeding that evening. We tried for almost 40 minutes and he ate about 10 ccs...the other 30 needed to go through his tube. Just as he was finishing, the formula came back up...through his mouth, nose, and tube. Watching him panic and seeing my baby like that threw me into sobs. The nurse quickly came to clean him up and checked to make sure I was okay. She also told me that this was not a major set-back...but I had begun to reach my limit. Days without eating, sleeping, or normalcy...on top of my fears for my baby...had completely shaken my nerves.
October 31, 2011
Halloween! And even better....our first day with him in the room!! Gregg had morning flightline, so we went to visit Marek at 4:30 am again. Around 7 the nurses told me that I could bring him to the room. I was ecstatic! Gregg hurried "home" after training that afternoon and we snuggled with Marek. We also put him in his first Halloween outfit! Things seem to be looking up...!
November 1, 2011
He continues to do well maintaining his body temperature, but is in many layers to keep him warm. On the average he is in a shirt, onesie, a hat (or two) and at least one receiving blanket. His blood oxygen level has been steady for a few days and there is talk of taking him off the monitors in a few days if this continues. His feedings are still long, labor intensive, and end with him eating through the tube (especially in the morning). We go back to the nursery for every feeding so they can assist if necessary. That evening they take him off the tube and decide we will feed him exclusively through the bottle. He seems to have stabilized, but the doctors will not speculate as to when he will be able to go home.
November 2, 2011
Again, about the same. His body temperature continues to remain steady, but he is still unable to eat on his own. The doctors begin to tell us he is looking great and should be able to go "maybe by Monday". We spend as much time with him... talking to him, cuddling him, and loving on him. We learn how to give him medicine and continue practice feeding him.
November 3, 2011
The first full day in the room...including feedings! Marek has become stronger in regards to eating and is now able to eat all 40 cc of formula or milk. It takes nearly and hour and we have to poke extra holes in the nipple. The last 10-20 cc are pretty much squirted into his mouth to swallow as he gets tired, but at least he is eating and does not need the IV for fluids.
He is also taken off of the blood oxygen monitor as his breathing has been steady for a week! Does this mean an end is in sight?
Due to a high volume of patients we lose our "courtesy room" and transition home. It is heartbreaking to leave Marek behind, but I use the time that evening to ready his nursery, do extra laundry, and set up the house for him. We also buy groceries so we do not have to run out once he is home.
November 4, 2011
Gregg leaves for flightline early and I am off to the hospital after a shower in my own bathroom. I am given a similar update...he is struggling to eat, but will get the formula/milk down with enough prodding. His breathing is still steady and he is maintaining his body temperature. The doctor again tells us "maybe by Monday" we will go home. I am about sick of maybes as this point.
I cuddle on my little man all day, and Gregg does the same when he gets to the hospital after work. Around 6:00 pm we are getting ready for another feeding when a new doctor begins his rotation. He comes over to meet us and to tell us that Marek is looking good and "should be able to go home." I about want to scream as I assume this means "maybe" in a few days. He asks the nurses to weigh him...and he is holding steady at 4 lbs 15oz. He turns to us and tells us we can go home, and to bring Marek in Monday morning for a check-up.
Wait...what?! We are going home? Honestly? And hold on...you trust US to keep a child safe? Isn't there a training...or test...or certification for this?!
We quickly get baby CPR certified (just in case) and get our discharge instructions. Around 8:00 pm we are packing him up for a first night home...and for the END of our hospital adventure!
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